SHAPE Night Run update and Emotional Health

Update on the Shape Night Run.

Unfortunately, due to some unplanned events on the familia side, I won't be able to join Mas and Jade despite having suggested it in the first place.

I was mad because well, I did pay and I have been training my ass off to get ready for my first 5K run.

Plus I felt guilty that I was not able to follow through with something that I have planned in the first place.

On the plus side (although it didn't really help me with my guilt), Jade managed to redeem my goodie bag for me. Still, I wanted to run, I was so looking forward for the event.

On another note, lately I have been focusing so much on physical health, that I sort of forget about my emotional health.

Being single for about 4 years now, I found myself to be a reluctant recipient for any relationships.

I guess anyone who is single would agree with me that sometimes, not having anyone to fall back to is just plain, depressing.

Years ago, I have never had an issue about getting anyone. Dates were something of a normality and although the dates would usually have a disastrous end, I was open and totally, well... accepting that some men are just bad at dates and I have yet to find men who can be comfortable with me.

Now, I don't even get to meet men. Most of the men who came on to me turned me off and those who actually had the guts to ask me out on a date failed miserably in a sense that all they were interested in was to get into my pants, faster than you can say G-Spot.

Also, my relationship with my family had been stagnant.

I didn't grow up in the typical loving family kind of sense.

Sure my parents loved me, but we don't express our love that openly. I always wondered why is it that during solemnization ceremonies, why was it that the mother /bride/father would cry their eyeballs out. They should be happy, right?

I can't relate to tears of happiness, only tears of sadness and frustration makes sense. I don't even cry at funerals.

So does that make me abnormal in terms of my emotions? I have an unhealthy emotional upkeep and a fit physical exterior.

I am hiding behind a wall that I built as a defense mechanism because my last relationship experiences had been nothing short of a pathetic attempt at not being myself?

I don't know. I can be wrong at this of course.

I know what I need to do as far as physical health is concerned. Looks like I won't be having quite a normal emotional health for many years to come, unless, I guess, if God is going to be kind to me.