Counterdepressant that is exercise

Last weekend was the breaking point for me.

One, I was at work from 4.30 pm to 2.00 am and then had to come in again because of emergency at 4.30 am.

Really, having a blackberry changes your life. It sucked to have one, at the same time, you are dead if you don't have it.

Two, I was also at the same time scrambling to move to the new place. I was not having enough time to pack my stuff and was far from packed.

Three, well... this happened on Sunday and is totally not worth mentioning here.

But the fact remained. The whole work issue got me feeling depressed and I was walking around feeling like a classic fool. I was questioning my credibility at work and my ability and whether or not I am actually good at my work... or not.

I went through the bloody interview with my boss's boss for crying out loud. Apparently I impressed that guy so much that I was picked.

But... yes... I was depressed. I took Xanax and can hardly smile or laugh. Heck... can't even cry properly.

Thankfully, the moving really took my mind off stuff. The climbing up 2 storeys for maybe a combined 7 times to and fro tested both my mental and my stamina. All that wearing a 1.5 inch wedges and halter neck dress.

I carried all 20 boxes of my shoes, my whole collection of handbags and messenger bags, my books, bookcase, comforter, pillows and other stuff that I have accumulate during my stay at the old place.

I was, for once... sweating like a pig. Seriously.

I feel like I have thighs of steel by the time the whole moving was done.

Of course it would be madness if I am to go for gym the next day, so I didn't. And yes, I was still depressed. I was still feeling like one big bag of messed up shit. So later that night, after a fucked up episode, and banana leaf rice session, I took valium and went to sleep.

The day after, while on break and was staring down 16 floors from my office, I was actually thinking how it would feel like to... well.. jump. How it'd be like to just fall.

Well.. I was curious.. didn't think of it as suicidal. Just thinking how it would feel like. Yes I was still depressed, but was not thinking about ending my life and shit. Maybe I should bungy jump one of these days, or slack the tension during wall climbing.

The next day, thanks to whoever it was cooking tonnes of dried fish downstairs, I woke up and was awake for a good 20 minutes before deciding that I should go to the gym and make good use of my awake time.

So... I did :

- 50 floors of stepper in 10 minutes,
- 1 rep of 20x on leg press (weight : 70KG) and single leg press (30KG).
- 1 rep of 20x arm press (weight : 7 pounds) on Bosu pad
- 1 rep of half push up on bosu pad : 15x
- 1 rep of half push up : 10 times
- 1 rep of alternate leg kicks : 10x

I was pressed for time so, hence the 1 rep of everything. And also because most machines are occupied and there were a lot of people in the gym at that hour and I was starting to feel a bit... suffocated.

And after a vegan wonton noodle meal, I felt so much better. I was even thinking about cutting down on meat and re-starting Yoga.

And while I admit that I am still very much dependent on my anti depressants, exercise is.. ladies and gents, one of the things that work if you want a 'peace of mind', to help keep you sane.